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Declaration of a Peaceful Revolution

Hope for the Ugly: Study Says Covid Masks Make Men More Attractive

We all knew that chicks dig the long ball. Turns out, they also dig the blue face.

According to the Daily Mail (U.K.), a new study shows that covid “masks make both men and women more appealing on the eye.” 

Yep. “A Cardiff University study asked 43 women to rank men’s faces with different items covering them,” the Mail explained. “The study found that men with blue medical face masks were the most attractive.”

There you go fellas. And when you speak of me, speak well.

The women were shown pictures of men with “two different kinds of face mask, with a book partially covering the faces and with nothing covering the faces at all.” Apparently they most like the creepy surgeon look.

“Dr Michael Lewis of the university’s school of psychology said that the study proved our preferences have changed over time — with face masks deemed to make a person less attractive before the pandemic,” the Mail said.

Our study suggests faces are considered most attractive when covered by medical face masks. This may be because we’re used to healthcare workers wearing blue masks and now we associate these with people in caring or medical professions. At a time when we feel vulnerable, we may find the wearing of medical masks reassuring and so feel more positive towards the wearer.

Or maybe the guys pictured had faces like failed prize fighters? Clearly, there are many people out there whose mugs can only improve when two-thirds covered by cotton (your humble author, for instance.) Or maybe women have given up on finding manly men and have reconciled themselves to dating precious little buttercups and boneless hypochondriacs. 

“Lewis added that it was possible face masks made people more attractive because it directed the participants’ attention towards the eyes,” the Mail said.  

Not sure how this squares with the feminists who claim that, for their part, women like masking up because it deflects “the male gaze.” But we live in stupid times. People invest masks and drugs and public health bureaucrats with all kinds of magic properties. Why shouldn’t an enchanted mask simultaneously have the power to attract and repel? 

In the meantime, start working on those new pickup lines, guys. “Hey baby, see this bad-boy here? It’s a triple-layer disposable. Yeah, my contagious droplets travel just 0.5ft. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time …”

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