Usually, when you’re talking about Christmas carolers who won’t leave you alone, it’s those fictive guests demanding their figgy pudding. They won’t leave until they get some, they say — which is a problem, given that this is 21st century America and not 19th century England, which means we don’t even know what figgy pudding is, much less how to make it.
This being America, we do believe in the Second Amendment, however. Therefore, if some riled-up guests demand said foodstuff and say they won’t go until they get some, if things get particularly hairy you can just pull out your Walther. That tends to clear out undesirables in a relative hurry.
It also helps to clear out Christmas carolers when they turn into would-be robbers.
According to WPTA-TV, such an incident happened Thursday in the Lincoln Village section of Fort Wayne, Indiana, where two men passing themselves off as if they were a-caroling allegedly tried to gain entry to a house by force.
Witnesses said the two men had knocked on the door of one of the house while singing Christmas tunes. They didn’t gain entry that way so they started trying to kick their way in.
The owner wasn’t having it — so he shot through the door, scaring the men off.
No arrests have been made, although the two men were seen speeding off in a teal car.
A neighbor who declined to give his name described the scene.
“I went to the window, the blinds were already open, and I saw an individual sprinting in between two houses going to another subdivision,” the man told WPTA.
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“They heard the doorbell ring, they heard what appeared to be pounding on the door, and then they saw the door being kicked in or attempted to be kicked in. And that’s when this individual fired his weapon into the door or the door area,” he said.
Another neighbor, Lance Turner, said it was a frightening situation.
“Kinda scary considering there was a gunshot about 200 yards, if that, from where I’m standing,” Turner told WPTA.
“I didn’t think that something like that would happen in this neighborhood,” he said. “I mean, seriously, we’ve only lived here about a year, never really felt any problems with the neighborhood. It was always welcoming, neighbors were fine.”
Turner, thankfully, had a video doorbell he installed over the weekend.
“We kinda caught a really good deal on Black Friday, so we just decided to put it in,” he said.
Of course, you know what works well in concert with a video doorbell? A little gift courtesy of our Founding Fathers and the Second Amendment.
Why didn’t this end badly? It wasn’t because this homeowner called the police and it certainly wasn’t because he told the carolers that he didn’t have any figgy pudding and didn’t have any intention of making any. It’s because he fired a round through the door.
You can tell potential home invaders that you mean business. Those words mean nothing to them.
I can tell you what does: the unmistakable staccato noise that comes out of the muzzle of Samuel Colt’s great equalizer. (Just don’t get one of the original Colt models; they’re probably a bit more expensive and less efficacious than a Ruger MK III.)
“If something like that were to happen at my house, I probably would be not sleeping too well at night,” Turner told WPTA.
If you want to sleep a bit better, however, you know what to stock up on. And no, it’s not figgy pudding.
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