Stephen Colbert had some big news to announce on Thursday’s edition of “Don and the Giant Impeach”: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is moving forward with articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump.
“That’s right,” he said. “After opening an inquiry into the possibility of impeachment, then reading the impeachment report and considering the impeachment options, we’ve finally made it to the beginning of the end of the starting. And we’re about to start the beginning of the middle!”
After quoting Pelosi’s “marching orders” for Democrats—“Legislate, investigate, litigate”—the Late Show host imagined Trump’s response: “Obfuscate, irritate, partially hydrogenate chocolate cake on the paper plate that I also ate.”
From there, Colbert moved on to Pelosi’s “spirited” press conference that ended with Sinclair reporter James Rosen asking her if she “hates” the president. “I don’t hate anybody,” she shot back at him. “I was raised in a Catholic house, we don’t hate anybody, not anybody in the world.”
“Well said!” Colbert replied. “We Catholics don’t hate anyone, OK? We are not allowed to. That’s why we waged 11 crusades, to remind those people how much we love them. The Inquisition was just a tickle fight that got out of control.”
Pelosi ended her remarks by saying that she still prays for the president “all the time,” adding, “So don’t mess with me when it comes to words like that.”
“Yes, Nancy Pelosi prays for the president and I pray for that reporter,” Colbert added. He then imitated Rosen, who left Fox News following alleged sexual harassment claims, saying, “Uh, Madame Speaker, can I have my balls back?”